Episode Transcript
[00:00:11] Speaker A: You know, battle ready is the process of getting yourself together and reinventing when you need to be. You know, in our shows past and in the past couple shows, we've talked to quite a few people that have had, you know, different challenges within their lives and how they handled it. And as we say in all the shows, it's not what happens to you, it's just how you react to it. And, you know, it's always good to have your toolkit ready so that you can fix things. And today in our show, we're going to have Simi from Prosper Financial. And what she does is she is a proactive person. She will help people, you know, get financially set so that when a crazy thing comes in their time, they'll be ready for it. Hey, Simi, welcome to the show.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Hey, thank you for having me.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: You're welcome. And you told me it was kind of dreary up there, so I'm glad you got out of bed and came to join us up there in New Jersey.
[00:01:01] Speaker B: My goodwill here.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: Is that what it is? Okay, great. So listen, you know, we were talking a little bit about what you do, and I read some of the thoughts that you had. So tell me, what are some of the biggest challenge facing, you know, people today in the financial realm, in their own financial realm?
[00:01:18] Speaker B: Well, first of all, people really believe that numbers and money is about numbers. It's 1 plus 1 equals 2. If I just do it right, my life will be set. When in actuality, studies show that money is 90% emotional. So you could have three people earning the exact same money and each of them spending it differently. One may be in debt, one may be spending it very highly, and one maybe have savings, even though they may live on the same block, have the same amount of children and be in the same environment. And that's because it's not about numbers.
[00:01:53] Speaker A: So you say it's about emotions. So what do you mean by that? Emotions. It's how they feel about the money. I need my wife to be listening to this show right now. I'm sure. Come on.
[00:02:02] Speaker B: Yeah, thanks. So really what it is is we have these subconscious money scripts in our brain. There is a wire, and that's based on our culture, our experiences, our environment, and those sort of form the way we see money in the world. So if you maybe grew up with parents that struggled, then you. And you may have seen maybe mom shop and say, don't tell dad about what we purchased. Or maybe there was like a lot of excitement when someone got something new, like, oh, look, they Got a new car and we all oohed and ogled it. Then we got information that making having money and having things is important or being scared about money or being secretive about money is important. And that follows you through life so that when you start making money or the way you take work on or the way you go through life will be impacted by these money scripts in the back of your head.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: You know, I have, you know, I hang out with a bunch of different people. We're in all different classes. I mean, some have lots, some have little, some make a lot and don't have any. So I definitely understand that. I think. What is it? Keeping up with the Joneses is a big saying from, oh, back when. But so what would you recommend to somebody that, you know, maybe a young person that just got their first job out of colleges, maybe making 70, 80,000, they still have their college money that they have to pay back. But what would steps be for them to get, you know, on right track in your mind?
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Well, first of all, there's, like we said, there's financial stability and financial health, right? So financial stability is sort of setting yourself up, right? Do we. How much are we putting into savings? How much are we spending? What percentage is it? Right. But then there's the financial health, because our motto is it's not how much money you have, but how you feel about money that makes the biggest impact in your life. So some people have no money, but they have a better. They have a different way of feeling. They have a good feeling because they have a different value system. Some people have a lot of money, but they have this concern and they don't feel good about it. So someone starting college, I would, I would want them to first start being aware of how they're spending, start writing it down, get an understanding about where and what you're spending. And then a little bit with it would maybe be put a circle of the face that you're spending in the areas that are maybe hobbies, clothing, eating out, entertainment. Start putting circles when you spend that money. Is it a smiley face? Is it a sad face? What were you feeling then? See if you can see any patterns. Are you always surfing the net when you come home from a hard day of work and Amazon just goes out of control, right?
[00:04:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Amazon's the big deal nowadays, right? You know, I saw a joke or somebody say something that the Amazon driver came to the house to check on his wife because she hadn't ordered nothing in a week. She was, he thought she was sick. You know, And I thought that was pretty funny. But you know what? It's funny that what you're saying to me, and especially about the receipts and smiley faces. I had a conversation yesterday with a buddy of mine. I was in the army with him a lot of years back. We both retired in the early 2000. And he was telling me that his wife's the frugal one. He spends money, but everything that they spend, they bring the receipts home. And I was telling him, man, if I would do that, I don't even know what finance, I'd probably be upset all the time. And so we had that conversation. He's doing well. He's retired.
You know, they're. They're just living good. Everything's paid off. And. But he. I don't know that I personally could live like that. Maybe I could train myself. Could I?
[00:05:36] Speaker B: Yeah. It's interesting. So it sounds like you have some sort of money security. Like you don't really want to be looking at everything that you're doing, but you want to be okay, but you do want to live a little, and you're not certain on that balance. Does that sound. Does that sound right?
[00:05:51] Speaker A: No. Hey, that's really good. So, you know.
You know, I always say so my wife and I, when we got married, we have separate accounts, so, you know, we kind of split up the bills. And I really. I'm kind of carefree, so to speak. She, you know, let her do whatever she wants. I don't think I've picked a house that we bought since we've been married. We've been married almost 30 years, and we have quite a few different houses, nor cars, because I really. None of that matters to me. But I have an account that she doesn't know about that she will now. But I just. I put money in there because as long as I have something for a rainy day. And when I was talking. When we were talking earlier about people getting laid off, and I've seen people do that. How sad it was. So as long as I have enough that makes me feel comfortable, she can do whatever she wants. So it's like you do what you do. I got our backup, just in case.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: You know, that I don't necessarily agree with that, you know.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Not having transparency in a relationship is not exactly what a financial therapist will tell you to do.
[00:06:51] Speaker A: Well, no, that's good for now. I mean, you know, I'm sure I'm not. Not. Not common. And that's where people like you help us. Right.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: And then. I love what you said you said, as long as there's enough money for me in the account, and that is the key. Everyone has a different number attached to what is enough for them.
[00:07:09] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: Yeah, right? Like, so what may be enough for you may not be enough for someone else, or maybe too much for someone else, you know?
[00:07:17] Speaker A: And I agree with that, because I know that I've asked people in the past, so, what do you think's a good monthly amount for you to live on when you retire? And the numbers are all over the place. You know, my brother's MIT guy, okay, Real smart engine, chemical engineer, makes so much money, he's crazy, and he. Every time he gets a job offer, I'm like, why? He's like, well, I have X amount of million dollars. I need X amount more. I'm thinking to myself, and if I even have a third of that, I would probably be in some beach somewhere, you know? So how do people figure out what's a good number? Is there a way for that to even transpire?
[00:07:58] Speaker B: Not even. Is that. Is that an answer? Because very often, the minute someone actually gets to the number they want, that goalpost moves. And the hardest thing in life is not to move that goalpost. Because it's like everything in life. When I've got the. Finally, the dream car that I want now, the next dream car is something else, right? That's how we humans are. You get one thing, and now it moves up to another thing, and it's so hard to remain in line. And the true goal, I think, is really having introspection and looking about, what is my value in life? What do I want in life so that I can get more comfortable with what's important to me as opposed to just a number that it's attached. Does that make any sense?
[00:08:39] Speaker A: So you said, what's important? Are you talking about, like, houses, cars? Are you talking about lifestyle? You know, what would. What would that look like?
[00:08:50] Speaker B: Yeah, and it's a great question. I really. I think that I remember recently someone came in and said, like, I only want to spend $100,000 a year, no matter how much I want to make, because I want to know that I can stick and be disciplined.
And it was interesting because what happened was that he was quite a wealthy person, and there was so much stress in the family because he was living very tight. It was a larger family because he had this idea and vision and mission that he's going to only spend $100,000 a year. And it didn't really jive well.
Whereas someone else Came and said, listen, I know that for me what's important is that I have time with my family. How can I make just enough money so that I can enjoy what I'm working for, which is my family? Do you see the difference?
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Sure. I know that I heard this saying, very few people on their dying beds wish they spent more time at work. So now everybody's trying to save the money to live. Okay. And then, you know, as they retire, you know, their health, they have health issues. So I hear this yolo, you only live once. So what, what makes the most sense? I mean, what were your thoughts?
[00:10:04] Speaker B: Yeah, and I think the first step was really getting to, in. In touch with who you are. Like, what is your financial.
Your financial money script? Or what is your financial habitude? And you mentioned the military. You were in the army. Yes, one of my degrees as an AFC and accredited financial counselor. We work with veterans and they had someone who created a great game called Money Habitudes. And it's divided into six different categories of the type of style that that person is. It's a habitude. It's a habit and an attitude. And it sort of was created just to start having money conversations with a partner or even with yourself, to start getting to know how you feel about money.
And so it's a card, it's. It's an actual game. And it has questions such as, if I got a raise, I, I would save it all. Or when I get a bonus, I don't want to be responsible for. I am excited, but I don't want to be responsible for the money. Or I know exactly what's coming in and going out, or I shop when I'm angry. So there are different questions that are on there. And then based on that, there are piles and it will tell you what habitu you are. So there's spontaneous security, planning status. You know, there are different stuff here free. And you start getting to know like, okay, so now that I learned these are mine, or these are the ones that are my vision. Now forget about that. I have a spouse that may have a whole different money personality than me. But even for myself, I may be in conflict. I may be showing up as a planner and spontaneous, which means that. And they have so many different versions of this. You could go to brunch.
But I may be having conflict myself. Like, there's a part of me that really wants to have plan and money in the account, and there's another part of me that really wants to be very generous. And that internal struggle, I never even Noticed that that's an internal struggle that I have. I know that I'm frustrated, but I'm not certain why. So now I'm learning.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: No. So when we come back, we're getting ready to go into commercial. We come back and talk about that struggle and what kind of guidance and suggestions you can help us with. Everybody, we'll be right back. Thanks for joining us at Battle Ready.
Hey, guys, welcome back to Battle Ready. It's the process of reinventing yourself. You know, over the last little segment, we were talking with Simi, who was a CEO of Prosper Financial, and she was talking about, you know, different personalities and emotions that lead to people's financial situations. And she was talking about some of the tools that are out there to help. Hey, Simi, welcome back.
[00:12:54] Speaker B: Hey, how are you?
[00:12:55] Speaker A: I'm amazing, thanks for asking. So we were talking last time about how you were doing. The people do their money. Do you want to come back to that?
And we were talking about where the six areas I think is what. What it was.
[00:13:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I was talking about like different habitudes. Different.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Sure, yeah.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: And these are the different styles that we almost really feel like that's the right way of seeing the world. Like if you ask someone how your computer works, when you open it, you need to press the power button and if you want to get into something, you need to press control. I don't know. And their computer, when they open it, they have to put their thumb on it instead of pressing the button and they press another button. Both of the computers open to the same program, but it goes through a different system. And we don't realize that these are subconscious beliefs that we have about money when we're seeing it. Similar to what you said before, you have a subconscious belief that there needs to be a certain amount of money put aside so that you have an ease with which the rest of the money is being used. It allows you some concern that may be.
Yeah, safety net. And that may be completely untrue for someone who has a spontaneous personality who for them, they would feel straight jacket having to put money away. They need to feel ease in which.
Which they spend. And that to them is very difficult to have to live with someone who is so tight. Right. Everyone has a different way. And so when they see those people, they're like, oh, poor person, they don't enjoy life. They put all the money away. Poor guy, he doesn't know how to live. Right. So they. It's different mindsets and learning about yours, what your strength is with yours and what is a Challenge really can make you start shifting and say, oh, wow, I see that I just walked into the department store, that the. The lady knows my name. Because I like that she talks to me.
[00:14:51] Speaker A: That makes me feel right.
[00:14:53] Speaker B: Yeah, that. That's the status part of me.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: Oh, cool.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: I got that. So now I have a decision if I want to change that or not. Before, I never knew I was just. Just did it right.
[00:15:04] Speaker A: You know, let me. You know, people are very frivolous. Not frivolous, but very free with their money, you know, when they're in their careers making substantial money or whatever. And then how hard is it them for them to adjust into retirement?
You know, because now they've been used to making so much money, it's hard.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: To adjust to anything new, especially when it comes to a monetary change, even. And I know this sounds funny, but even someone who receives a large inheritance that struggled their whole life has a difficult time just understanding where they are now. Like, what does it mean if I have a lot of money? I remember I had a client who came to me struggling and came back a year later in tears and said, when I had just enough money, I knew how to shop. It was very simple. Could I afford it or I can't now when I have so much money, I don't know how to make decisions. Like, how do I make decisions?
[00:16:01] Speaker A: So then what? So is there some education or some things that they can do to help them, I don't know, walk through that journey?
[00:16:09] Speaker B: Yeah. So it was really her game to be, like, curious about herself. Like, who am I, if I had all the money in the world? What do I want in life? What do I want my children to see? What do I want people to think of me? What do I want to be said of me that I want to represent?
Sometimes we feel like we're in this icebox and no one knows what we're really doing, even though everyone sees what we're doing. Right. And it's important to be in touch with yourself to see that. I want to have a good relationship with my spouse. If that means that I. My partner, if that means I need to spend a little bit more, that may be worth it so that I have a better relationship.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: You know, you said that, right? So I told somebody, I told this guy yesterday, and I told you, we were talking about it, and he. He's very frivolous with his money, takes care of it, and if you can't beat him, join him. I was like, look, if I. Look, man, if I want to be upset all the time, I just worry about it. I just found what my solution was. You know, I put my stash away as long as I had my stash and I build my stash. Well, she kind of do whatever, you know, but the other piece of it is, you know, I'm retired. I get the retirement, stuff like that. So, I mean, she doesn't go overboard, but, you know, we do a lot of things. I'll get an Outlook invite. Next thing I know, I'm going overseas someplace because she schedules everything.
But, you know, I think that, you know, five, six years ago, we're getting to that level now. Five, six years ago, I don't know what it's going to look like. Told you. She got the horses, you got the food. What are we gonna do with all that? That kind of. That's in my mind, so what would I do?
[00:17:41] Speaker B: Look at that whole anxiety. You're having all this anxiety about something that never occurred yet, but you have fear about.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:49] Speaker B: And so I'd be really curious about how. Where else that anxiety shows up in your life and how often is that anxiety serving you well. Like, it's there to protect you. It's there to protect your future. You're worried about it. But has that always been true when you were worried and had anxiety about something that the actual thing that you were concerned about happened, or has it been that sometimes it actually worked out better than you thought?
[00:18:14] Speaker A: Oh, you know what it's, you know, been. I've been very, very lucky, you know, and we talked about all the different times I reinvented myself as in my life. But, you know, things always turn out. And even when they're like, I got laid off. I was like, okay. I mean, that's fine, you know, And I ended up working for that guy later on, you know, I don't worry about it. I always know where I'm going kind of thing. But I want more, I think, you know, and in my career now, I can. The more I work, the more I make, the less I work, the less I make. So I'm kind of in control of that, which everybody's not. You know, people that work for Corporate America, what do they do then?
[00:18:56] Speaker B: Yeah, and I'm so curious because it seems like control is a really important thing to you.
[00:19:01] Speaker A: To me?
[00:19:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:03] Speaker A: Control. You know what I think?
You know, it's funny, my wife says I'm controlling, so maybe, you know, and then. So you just met me, so, yeah, maybe I might be. I just.
I don't care until I care, I guess. Right.
Yeah.
[00:19:19] Speaker B: And it'd be curious to know if you're able to step back, because there are so many places in your life that you can control when you work, how you work. Right. Those are things, sort of. But then there are certain things that maybe you are ill, that you can't work, that you're not in control.
[00:19:35] Speaker A: Right.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: So there are places that we. It were there, and then this is perfect. I mean, in battle ready, it's talking about pivoting, reinventing.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Things don't go in your way. How do you shift your perspective? How are you able to adjust to different situations that you never thought about, wanted, or appreciated?
[00:19:58] Speaker A: 100% correct. I know. Having been in the army for 20 years, I left the military every day. I knew what I was going to wear. No choices, no decisions. I got up, I put the same thing on, I went to work, then I got out. I remember going to an interview with a black suit and really bright blue socks because I guess I couldn't tell colors. And everybody just looked at me. And I didn't even realize it because somebody always dressed me. Even now my wife tells me if she don't lay it out, who knows what I'm gonna wear. My kids make fun of me all the time. So as far as. But the money thing, my mom, you know, growing up, she was like very tight fisted, you know, my dad was like, whatever. So I kind of am a mix of that. And, you know, I try to be in control, but I rather not be with the conflict. So it's like, okay, whatever everybody makes, they all make fun of me.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Yeah. And that must be hard because there's a people pleasing part of you.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:20:51] Speaker B: And then there's a part of you that really wants to have a safety net and that must be in conflict. Like, how much do I give in to what I want? Peace. And how much do I prevent? Because where I said before, sometimes you need to spend a little bit more for a relationship.
You may not want to go into debt for a living. Or what happens if that person in the relationship you're with always needs something more and doesn't care that it costs money and that you're going into debt? What do you do then?
[00:21:16] Speaker A: You know, that's funny you say that. Right. So in our situation, we just refinished a house. And in the house we built, we redid everything. And we had a room that we needed to put a closet in.
And we talk about sticker shock. You know, it was $6,500 to $8,500. And my wife's like, I don't want to spend it. I can't do it. Whatever. And I'm like, spend it. I don't care. I want you to get something right now so we don't have to worry about it and we do it later. But there's an ice machine that's $300, and I don't want to spend $300 on an ice machine. You know what I mean? So it's kind of. Yeah, it goes back to say, I want her to be happy. I can do without a lot easier.
[00:22:01] Speaker B: This actually proves my point. This is not about numbers. It's about emotions. Sure, you could be comfortable spending 65 to 80, 500, but for a $300 icebox, there's a whole nother mental accounting system that's taking place where you're like, I don't know if it's worth it. I'm not sure. Even though numeric, numerically, it's a lot less expensive or a lot less cost.
[00:22:22] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:22:23] Speaker B: And we are irrational. We just are. We believe we're normal, rational human beings. We're doing. We're not. We're not. And, you know, it's so interesting where I remember that I had a client who couldn't send out his credit card bill. He couldn't write a check or whatever at that point. It was a check of more than $100, even though his credit card bill was a thousand. So every week, he would write $100 checks to be sending out towards his. Whatever amount of bill.
Does that make sense? At the end of the day, he's writing the same amount, but he just couldn't bring himself to write a check more than that amount of money. Some people can't swipe more than a few dollars, but they could spend in a heartbeat, multiple. You know, they can't. They can't swipe their card for 300, but they could spend $35, 10 times a day without thinking twice.
[00:23:09] Speaker A: You know, it's funny that you say that. So I think it's like justification, right? I have a friend that he told me the other day, we were talking, he says, man, I just bought this really cool earpiece that does a bunch of different languages. You know, it translates. I think that's cool. He says, yeah, it's about $25. He said, My wife was going to get on me. Well, what I said was, that's two drinks at the bar. So I just won't go one day. And that's how he justifies what he buys $15, two, $15 drinks.
[00:23:40] Speaker B: That's how we are as human beings. We are walking justification centers. Think about if you hurt someone by mistake. If you, if you said something nasty in the back of your head, you're like, I know, but you know what they did to me yesterday? You know what? Ha. But there are justifications going on constantly in our heads. To us, 100% sense to someone else makes no sense at all. And that's what these numbers are. It's, you know, it's interesting. I used to say that we have these money habitudes. That means that it's a habit and an attitude, something I'm familiar with. It makes sense to me, but it doesn't make sense to. It may not make sense to someone else. And I kept on asking, I did this in a group and I asked people to give me examples of what they believe is their money habit. Like, what is this something that they do that they've accustomed to but may not look 100% normal to someone else? And I remember someone saying she has always two types of paper towels in her house. The thick bounty and the less expensive one that really doesn't pick much up. And one is for the good spills and one is for not. And everyone knows that you have two types of paper towel. They all know, do you want the bounty now or not? Depending on the spill. Makes no sense to me. Makes 100% sense to her. When she goes to the. Another one says, like when she goes to the store, she buys two jars of pickles because pickles was a commodity when she grew up. Right. These are all places that we're spending money that makes sense to us may not make sense to anyone else.
[00:25:08] Speaker A: Okay. You know, and I know everybody's thought process is different. I think we're getting ready to go into another commercial, but we're going to talk again about how you initially meet with people. Thanks a lot. Hey, guys, thanks for coming to Battle Ready. We'll see you right after commercial.
Hey, guys, welcome back. Battle Ready. It's the process of reinventing yourself. You know, over the last couple of segments, we've been talking with Simi, the CEO of Prosper Financial Wellness.
Because what I've been learning over the last couple segments is it's not about a number. It's about an emotion. Am I right, Sammy? Welcome back, Sammy.
[00:26:02] Speaker B: Yeah, it's about a feeling. It's how I feel about my money, not just about my numbers. You know, I could have people here have $5,000 in the account. One is thrilled and so excited. The other one's like, it's not enough. Right? So sure has nothing to remember.
[00:26:18] Speaker A: Okay, so when you initially meet an individual, a couple, are you. Do you see more couples, individuals, or what is. Like, what do you work with most?
[00:26:28] Speaker B: Primarily, my specialty is really in the relationship. So when someone's in a relationship and the money is not working for them, I definitely have people in relationships, but one spouse doesn't want to be involved with the money, so they'll come individually. I do have singles and widows as well. But primarily, the typical person that's coming is usually in a relationship. They have children, and there's something about the money that's not working, and that's why they're coming.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: So why would somebody not want to be involved with it?
[00:26:59] Speaker B: Some people, they grew up, money was a big stress. So if they have to think about money, they think it's a bad thing. If they have to count their money, they think it's like it's. It's means that they don't have, and it brings fear to them or their mindset. They are carefree. They just. They don't have that space of mind. They're not good at math. They don't like it. Maybe they have ADHD or they're like neurodiverse. So that means that their brains are wired differently. They don't connect to money in the same way someone else may. And so those people just. It doesn't talk to them the same way.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: You know, I think I kind of speak to that because I know when my wife and I met, I was in the army, and I mean, we had four kids in the army. We didn't make a lot of money. State of South Carolina told us we were at the poverty level. So we got government cheese. All of that lived in government quarters, had one car.
And my wife was like, I don't care. We're going on vacation every year once, because that's what she grew up. They didn't have a lot either. And so we worked through that. And, you know, I struggled. And, you know, I think she trained me through our marriage, and I trained her back. We go back and forth trying to train each other, especially when it comes to money.
And it probably took me three or four years of miserable vacations to finally get trained, because I'd be like, why are you buying that ice cream? Why are you doing this? You know, just, you know, that ice cream, like $10, you know, because I. That's why I was raised right. And she's like, all right, look, we're going to go on this next vacation. I want you to do me a favor. I said what she says.
I got a credit card. It's totally empty. We're not gonna. Not gonna monitor any money. We're just gonna go have fun and deal with it when we get back. That was probably about 25 years ago, and now that's what we do. But our vacations have gotten much better emotionally, at least.
[00:28:53] Speaker B: That's good that it worked for you. But for someone that is a planning person like myself, I'd be a nervous wreck. I don't feel good that way. For some other people, that makes them feel good. That's the problem point in understanding yourself. If I was told to do that, and I would do that, it would just bring me anxiety, even though I should be the happiest person. I remember when my husband gifted me something, and I'm like, one second, did you. Did you check our bank account before you did? And he's like, could you enjoy the gift I bought? And I knew logically I was so happy I got a beautiful gift. But emotionally, I was a wreck. And until I understood my money personality. Now I'm like, oh, that's security coming up for me. Cool. Now I don't take it as seriously. I don't get so agitated.
[00:29:37] Speaker A: Okay, so you know what? I'm thinking about this book, and it is. It's the five love Languages, I think, right? So do they have, like the five emotional finance things or what about that?
[00:29:51] Speaker B: Yeah, there's something called the Money scripts that anyone could take. I think it's on clientsconsulting.com, and it's a free thing that you could just go on and you. There's about 50 questions. You respond to them. Or maybe it's even a. There's a light version, and it tells you your money script. And according to that Money Script, Money avoider, money status, just the simple four will give you an idea of where you rank and what you may be up against, if that makes sense.
[00:30:16] Speaker A: Really.
So have you taken the test?
[00:30:20] Speaker B: Me? Of course. I've taken every test in my education and my field. This is what I live for.
[00:30:25] Speaker A: So. So let's talk. So when you took the test, were you surprised where you came out? Were you not surprised? I mean, I know you had a lot of experience, but what's your thoughts?
[00:30:35] Speaker B: What's interesting is that when I see it, I'm like, oh, yeah, this is me. But then I'm looking at the other things and I'm Looking at what are my challenges. And I was like, wow, I never knew. That's why it's hard for me to make money because I'm a money avoider and I feel like it's more important to do service for people. So given the opportunity, if someone says, could you help me? I will say, yes. I'll lose a day of work because I want to help you. Because I think I'm such a virtuous person when my money avoider personality is really doing that to me. And here I am stressed out about not making money, but I'm so busy making sure I don't make money subconsciously, if that makes any sense.
[00:31:12] Speaker A: So that's amazing.
No, I, that's amazing. So, I mean, I think we're a lot more alike than you can imagine. Because I'm the same way. I'm like, somebody asked me, my wife tells me I'm trying to save the world. That's what she says to me because I, I will stop whatever I'm doing to help somebody else because that's just, I like, that's what I like to do. And then I'll worry about, worry about it afterwards. But you're worrying about it during the whole time. I'm assuming.
[00:31:38] Speaker B: Well, you know, everyone has their different money backstory. I know you, you grew up in a place that was, it was difficult. There was some part you said tight fisted. I don't know if your parents had money or not, but sure, you know, typhus didn't. I think that impacts people. You know, there's a big difference with people that grew up that didn't have stress around money or and then later on had stress. The reactions are different, the makeup of the person is different. And even in our current relationships, if you were married to a different type of person, your money habitu would shift. If you're married to someone who's extremely frugal, you may show up more easygoing because in the relationship that's what's needed and vice versa. Does that make sense?
[00:32:22] Speaker A: Sure.
I think it's kind of a give and take, right?
[00:32:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:27] Speaker A: So on the screen you see the money scripts. So these are the different money scripts?
[00:32:31] Speaker B: Yep. Money worship, money avoider, money status and money vigilance. And so someone who's like a money avoider is usually in the service industry and someone who's money worship, they really feel like all I need to do is earn a little more money and everything will be better. Someone whose money status, it's super important for them to fit into the community. And environment vigilance is someone who really monitors they very careful with their money. They really watch it very well. And so all of these. And you know what, in different cultures and different communities, it may show up differently. So even though, you know, typically we'll see a lot of money avoiders in a certain area, but in low income places there's a lot more money status because that they usually grew up in struggle and people that grew up with struggle, it's important for them to, to even for themselves to feel like they made it. And there's a lot more emphasis on things to purchase and to be seen as someone who can afford. So you see it in different ways. Yeah, that's cool.
[00:33:31] Speaker A: So you know what, I see that and I'm really interested in taking that and trying to get my wife to take it because I know when we did the five love languages where we were like night and day and then. So it's like, that's why I am the way I am. That's why you are the way. I don't care. We're still married with tough, tough it out. Right. So I'm really curious to see how that works for us.
So coming back to some of the people that you meet with. Go ahead.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I want to go back to something you just said. You know how you said tough it out.
[00:33:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:59] Speaker B: That's really what you want to do in a relationship. You want to start learning the other person so that you're showing curious and there's less judgment. It's just like really curious. Like, tell me, honey, why is it that you need to get your shoe shined every time we go out? Like, what is that about shoe shining? That's important to you as opposed to, are you ridiculous? And once I get curious, I could be like, he may answer and I'm listening. I'm truly listening without judgment now. I have a softness about him. Like, oh, that's how it works for you. I don't agree with it necessarily, but the edge of it is not there. So I'm not. I have less on it. There's less resentment towards the relationship, towards the other partner. When I really get curious about how it works in someone else's brain. Because just like you said before when you. We all have justifications and in our head it makes 100% sense. So if you sat and listened to me long enough, I would make 100% sense. Even though you wouldn't necessarily agree with that for yourself. Does that make sense?
[00:35:01] Speaker A: It's all about delivery. Right.
I know in One of our other shows, we talked about delivery.
[00:35:07] Speaker B: It's really.
[00:35:08] Speaker A: Especially the money part, right?
[00:35:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:11] Speaker A: Because if somebody's really, really worried about it or they want to live their life because they were one way earlier, now they feel like they've got it, but somebody wants to talk to them about it. I think that's where we struggle a lot. You know, it's like, when do we talk about it?
[00:35:29] Speaker B: Yeah. And you say this. I want to bring up a story that really brings this point home, is capturing how in a relationship, this works. I was newly married in my second relationship, and we had gone for a trip to London. And I don't know if you're familiar, the streets go the opposite way or the drivers are on the opposite side. And my husband told me that he kept on forgetting which side he was on. And he almost got hit. And in the morning, he went out to get me something from the bakery. We were in a hotel. I don't know what I wanted, but I came down and it was getting really late, and he wasn't responding on his phone. And I kept on calling and calling. And all of a sudden I'm thinking, oh, my goodness. I knew it. I knew it. Finally, I find the husband. Nope, he's going to be taken away from me. He for sure he was killed. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, how am I going to be a widow? Where am I going to live? What am I going to do? And I'm spiraling out of control. And then I'm thinking, you know what? Let me get a coffee before the cops come. This is an hour. I get in there, I get coffee, and he walks in. And the first thing I say, I'm pale and shaking. I go, you never told me where you wanted to be buried. I don't understand you. How am I going to afford myself?
He's pretty newly married. This woman is screaming at him, okay. Instead, he looks at me and he says, wow, you're really scared.
And it pushed it, like, poof. My anger dissipated. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, I always thought you're, like, controlling. You want me to call you every time you want me to pick up the phone when I leave, but you're really scared. And once he realized that was the essence, I'm scared now. We were able to have a different conversation, and he was so much more kind, or he wasn't resentful to the fact that I needed him to check in with me. And now we don't need that because I was a lady does that make any sense?
[00:37:09] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:37:10] Speaker B: And that's how it's with relationships. So. Really getting curious?
[00:37:15] Speaker A: No, I think, I think I'm a lot like you. And maybe my wife might be like your husband. I mean, so she just, you know, she rather not talk about it. Listen, I mean, when it's in my mind, I'm going to talk about it. And then my delivery, I might go army, I might not go army. I don't know. You know, I try to be laid back, but it's like it's all about timing with her. I got to watch her body movements, you know, because all day long she deals with 91 1, not like 911 with Fire Apartments. But in, in her business she's a solution place. She's a director of a brokerage, 180realtors. Everybody's always calling her, Everybody's always having problems. So at the time, by the time she comes home, she's oh, I don't want to hear about nothing. I don't care if the house caught on fire. Just I'll sit in the pool till it's burned out or whatever, you know, because she says so it's got to really, I got to time it, you know, or I just got to get my boxing gloves on.
[00:38:11] Speaker B: And sometimes it's, I say, don't take people's words so seriously because I may say something I really don't mean and my essence is not really meaning that, but I'm presenting in a way, maybe because I'm having a hard day, maybe because something's occurred. So don't take your spouse so seriously. Right? And so when they say you never buy me anything and you must buy me a piece of whatever, jewelry, clothing or whatever, because otherwise I know you don't love me. And so obviously there's something there that needs attention, it may not be the actual words that you say.
[00:38:42] Speaker A: You know what? I felt like I had an out of body experience right now when you said that you don't love me enough. I saw my wife looking at me like, you never buy me anything. I don't know what to buy her. She buys her own stuff, everything she wants. So how do I, you know, I deal with that? We're running, running into the next and final commercial. Simon, give me a second. We'll be right back. And guys, thanks for joining Battle Ready. We'll talk to you in a little bit.
Hi everybody. Welcome back to Battle Ready. It's where you find the process of how to reinvent yourself. The last couple segments we've Been talking Simi, the CEO of Prosper Financial Wellness, and she's been talking me through some amazing things, especially this test we'll talk about again. We're gonna actually bring you on. Simi. Hey, welcome back.
[00:39:42] Speaker B: Hi.
[00:39:44] Speaker A: So you were talking about the test and you recommend that to everybody, right?
[00:39:49] Speaker B: I recommend everyone learn about themselves, yes.
[00:39:52] Speaker A: Okay, so let me ask you this. So I've taken it. I find out I'm certain way. I try to think, I'm making some changes. Do you recommend taking it again and. Or what? How does that look?
[00:40:03] Speaker B: No, because this is who you are at your essence. We're not looking to be changed people. We're looking to be more intentional. So most of the time we're not realizing that there are different ways and what may be getting in our way. So this is giving us information that we could say, hey, is this serving me well or is this coming up in a way that's not serving me well right now? And then how can I, now that I understand myself, what do I want to do with that information?
Right? So say someone, say someone has money. Like similar, you know, I can talk to this to the words that I am. Right? So someone has money avoider. They tend to be people who are in service industry. They like to help people. And having money is difficult for them, even though intellectually, if you ask them, they would say, no, I need money, I like money, I want money. But they may end up sabotaging themselves and keep on saying, I don't understand why I can never make money. I don't understand what's wrong with me. And that might be the missing piece. So learning about that, they'll be, oh, I see. I need to take care of my money. Avoid our personality. What does that mean? I may need to make sure that I have enough money and that money will allow me to be able to volunteer more time than I ever could. But here I am thinking that I need to help everyone right now when my family is really struggling. Is that serving me well? So now I could start making decisions and playing with that. Does that make any sense?
[00:41:25] Speaker A: No. It does. So I'm going to bring you back to something you said to me. I think it was between takes, actually, because I was describing your company and I left out that keyword, wellness, you know, and so the big thing here, what I'm getting out of the last couple segments and actually in the continuous conversation with you is, you know, money is not a number. And it's all about your emotional, your knowledge of your emotions about money. Is that What I'm. Is that right?
[00:41:53] Speaker B: It's how you feel about the money or account, not about the number. It's not how much you have, but how you feel about the money that has an impact on you.
[00:42:03] Speaker A: So how would somebody get in touch with you if they wanted to maybe explore this more?
[00:42:09] Speaker B: They can go on our website at www.pro prosper.fit. that's P, R O S P, no E, no excuses are not fit like fitness. They can see us. We have some free resources there. We have a free course on financial therapy. So that may give you some insight to who it helps, how it works. If you have any questions, you can contact us on our page and set up a free intro call. We have. We're on LinkedIn, and you can feel free to reach out any way you'd like.
[00:42:41] Speaker A: All right, so people would come here, reach out, ask somebody. Is the test available here?
[00:42:48] Speaker B: Yes. We have a free financial anxiety quiz on top, so you're welcome to take that also. It will give you some tips and techniques about what you're showing and what may be helpful for you as well. So feel free to get on there and take it.
[00:43:02] Speaker A: You know, in some of my other shows, you know, we talked about, you know, different things, mentorship, leadership, and things like this. And one of the phrases that came out that I think can apply here is you don't know what you don't know. So, I mean, I've learned a lot over the last couple segments.
I just thought money was a number. Hey, if I have enough, I'm good. If I don't have enough, I suck. I gotta do something else. And now you bring a little bit clearer to me that once I realized what where I fit in one of the four categories, it would make it a little bit more.
Make my life happier. Is that right?
[00:43:41] Speaker B: Yeah. It would make you more aligned with what's going on. You would feel more content because you're going in what you want. We do vision boards. We do vision for your future. We do work with numbers. I don't want to. I don't want you to think this is only. We talk about feelings and emotions. There's a component of numbers all the time, but the numbers simply tell me if the work that we're doing is working. It's not the cure all, end all, sign all. And that's really what it is. It's so important to know. And you're right, you don't know. And I think many people don't know that. The type of people that we are, financial therapists, financial coaches, we're out there to help support you on a relationship on an emotional level as well. So look for the right certification of someone that can support this journey because people don't know that we exist.
[00:44:30] Speaker A: So you just said something now I didn't know you existed.
I have a financial advisor that says, hey, put your money here, do this, do that. Okay, I do it. But on an emotional sense, on a feeling sense, on I think that's, it's like one of those wow, why didn't I know about this earlier kind of thing. So this is an amazing for sure.
[00:44:56] Speaker B: Yeah. We always say we're the socks to the shoes of the financial advisor. We're the step before and we have, you know, you give money to a financial advisor, some people are scared because they're like, oh, they get a assets under management, so they get a percentage or a fee of the money I make and they're not certain that they trust it. When someone comes to us, it's a flat fee. You may, no matter if you are very poor and are struggling or you're multimillion dollar person, they're paying the same fee. We have no vested interest in your money. We want you to succeed with your money. And so many clients will go to financial advisor, they don't feel comfortable. They'll come to us and say how much? According to my money personality and according to what's going on in my life, how much am I comfortable to put away? And we go through that together so that when you get to your financial advisor, you're clear. And many times financial advisors send me clients because their client is struggling, their money is a mess, their cash flow management and that's something we work with a lot.
[00:45:53] Speaker A: You know, something I was thinking, so I told you earlier, I'm in the real estate realm now. You know, I reinvented myself, been about eight years now. And I constantly see realtors coming and going and you know, come out here and one of the things I tell them, especially my new people is, you know, when they're making their plan on how they're going to succeed, you know, maybe they had just left a six figure job and now they come out here and want to make a six figure income. And I tell them that sets them up for failure and they don't understand. I tell them you have to figure out what you need to make then what you want to make and then oh my God. And that's the way I break it down, right? The need is what is going to help you pay your Bills feel okay.
The one is replacing the money you made before because that's what you want to do. And oh my God, is everything after that? I think if, if you were to meet realtors prior to them actually walking in here, I think that would help them a lot because people talk different, sell different when they're not making money.
[00:46:55] Speaker B: Absolutely. I really appreciate that. And even that needs and wants, right? What one person needs is someone else's wants. So really knowing yourself and what a need is for you and what is true a need. And on our website we have this game called the My Enough game, which is like, how much is enough for you may not be enough for someone else. So how much do you need? What is is need to just live in a trailer or in a van or is need an apartment or is need a home? What is it? Is it a big home with a big stair, sprawling staircase? Or is it just something that you have an asset that's that that has rooms in a bathroom? Like what is a need? Right.
[00:47:33] Speaker A: And how do people determine that? Using this test and then evaluating themselves.
[00:47:38] Speaker B: You start having conversations and when you're in relationships, you need to be doing this as a couple and having those money communications. If there's one thing I can say, and the most important thing is have money conversations and communications early in a relationship. Theoretical, like, I wonder what it would look like if we had a lot of money. What would you want to do? And then let's start talking about how we want to work together with that. Because maybe you want to live on a farm, but I want to live in the city. So like what about the city exciting to you? And what about the farm is exciting to you? How do we mesh and then blend so we have a collaboration in our relationship? How do we do that? What works?
[00:48:16] Speaker A: Those are scary conversations though, right? A lot of people find fear in those conversations.
[00:48:21] Speaker B: Right. And I think it's because people are fearful because their experience, our financial conversations are how are we going to afford? What could we afford? Is it right? It's the technical parts. You've never had the conversations with their theoretical and they're exciting and they're dream oriented and they're success oriented. So getting us into that mindset, pivoting, battle ready, pivoting yourself to have that money conversation where it's excitement, making vision boards, making it my ideal life and then working backwards. Maybe I'm not there yet, but I know where I'm going, I know what's exciting. Why doesn't money have to be so.
[00:49:00] Speaker A: Stressful I always hear that it's one of the leading causes of divorce. Right. Money, you know, people not being able to handle that.
[00:49:11] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:49:11] Speaker A: And I see people go to marriage counselors, but maybe they should go to somebody like yourself to make them understand that.
[00:49:19] Speaker B: Well, is that right? Yeah. So 72% of Americans across the globe say that money is our number one source of stress in relationships. And divorces that come because of money are more often, much more vicious, much more emotional, much meaner than any other relationship issue if the divorce ends. And when it comes to marriage therapists, people sometimes assume when you have money problems, you have marital problems, because money magnifies problems may not be. It may just be a money problem. Right. And now we're making it into this whole big problem. So.
[00:49:56] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:49:57] Speaker B: Yeah. And so there aren't a lot of us in North America, but there are enough. So you can check out the Financial Therapy Association. See, in your state, if there's a financial therapist nearby, if you feel like you need specifically money therapy or a money therapist near you or something like that.
[00:50:14] Speaker A: Well, that's amazing. It's been an amazing hour for me. I mean, I've got so many things going through my head. You know, how I'm gonna go talk to my wife. I know. I do. I do the chicken thing. She gets me mad. I just. I go pay off a bill, which, you know, they're usually big bills, you know what I mean? And makes me feel good. And then she's like, where the money's at? But now thinking about our money. Health, wellness. We'll get that word in there. You know, that'd be great. It's been such a pleasure meeting you and talking to you today. I look forward to meeting you again and talk some more throughout the years. Tell everybody how we can get a hold of you one more time.
[00:50:50] Speaker B: You can find us on the web at www.pro prosper.fit. you can reach out to us via LinkedIn. You can email us at infoprosper.fat. you can call us, email us however you'd like. We're there for you.
[00:51:04] Speaker A: All right. Well, Simi, it's been an amazing time spending with you. You know, we're getting ready to go ahead and go out for the rest of the day. Appreciate your time. I hope you can stay warm up there and the weather gets better. So you have a positive attitude over there.
[00:51:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And I really appreciate being able to talk about this topic that's usually secretive, it's not made public, and people don't tend to talk, you know, to their neighbor and say, hey, let's talk about money today. Like, how's it working? You know? So this is really a topic that's often taboo and not discussed enough publicly. So thank you for bringing this up.
[00:51:33] Speaker A: Yeah, you've been amazing. All right, guys, thanks for joining us at Battle Ready, you know, where people, you know, do their best job of reinventing themselves. But today we're talking about getting the money, wellness, knowing your own emotions and your feelings about money. We'll talk to you soon. See you later.
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